


the road to hell

by bilexualclarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, basically clarke finally gets called out for some of her actions, because that shit is way overdue, post-4x09 spec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 15:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10767264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilexualclarke/pseuds/bilexualclarke
Summary: “They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” he murmurs into her hair. “You have a big heart, Clarke, and you care so much. That’s not a bad thing. But sometimes you care too much about the wrong things.”“I-I don’t know...H-how do I fix this?”“Not much we can do now.”We. Notyou. Her heart skips a beat at his words. After everything that has happened, it’s good to know that they’re still on the same team.





	the road to hell

They watch Octavia guide Helios through the abandoned streets of Polis until she is out of sight. Bellamy’s jaw is tight; he could not hear the words she spoke to Azgedan guard, but he still knows what she said anyway. She’s here to fight. 

His arms are crossed over is chest and Clarke rests her hand on the crook of his elbow. She offers no words, just her presence. Bellamy allows the warmth of her hand to permeate the thick layers of his jacket for a moment before he sighs and turns to her.

“Clarke, what were you thinking?” he says lowly. She averts her eyes.

“I’m trying to save everyone.”

Bellamy scoffs. “By trying to take the flame? You wanted to rule over everything, is that it?”

“No! The Grounders fall apart without a leader to guide them, and since Luna won’t do it I’m the only Nightblood left-”

“You don’t care about the Grounders, Clarke,” Bellamy cuts her off. “A few of them, maybe. The ones you know, the ones you’ve  _fucked_ -” if he says the last word a little bitingly, he won’t feel bad about it until later “-but not all of them.”

“And what, you do?” Clarke spits back, but she doesn’t move away from him.

 “No, I don’t,” he says honestly. “But I’m not trying to pretend like I do so I can play the martyr and save them all from themselves. They are  _not_  our people, Clarke. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help them, but they are not ours to save.”

Clarke’s shoulders sag, a bit defeated, but there is still a fire in her eyes, so Bellamy presses on. 

“You trivialized their faith, Clarke. It doesn’t matter that Roan stopped you- you were going to do it anyway, and you still don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“Their  _faith_  was going to let them all die,” she protests. 

“Why the fuck is that our problem?” Bellamy scrubs a hand over his face. “Now we’re at risk of losing our only salvation- that  _our people fucking found_ , by the way- because you’re trying to save everyone. Do you even care about the rest of us anymore? Do you even care that some of our people stayed behind to die? Harper, Jasper,  _Monty_?”

Clarke freezes. “What?”

Bellamy leans forward, resting his elbows on the balcony and holding his head in his hands. “You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved,” he repeats. 

They’re silent for a moment. Bellamy takes to studying the various cracks in the balcony, wondering how such a seemingly rickety building was able to withstand a nuclear war. He hopes it will be able to do it again. 

Then he hears a sniffle, and his head snaps up. 

Clarke has an arm wrapped around her ribcage and a hand pressed to her mouth. There are tears streaming down her cheeks and her shoulders quake as she tries to suppress her sobs. Bellamy is by her side immediately, hands coming to rest on her shaking shoulders, and she tucks herself into his chest instantly.

“Bellamy, what have I done?” she mumbles into his chest. 

He wraps his arms around her, his heart breaking a little more every time he hears her broken gasps because yes, he’s fucking mad at her right now but that doesn’t mean he stops being in love with her either. 

“They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” he murmurs into her hair. “You have a big heart, Clarke, and you care so much. That’s not a bad thing. But sometimes you care too much about the wrong things.”

“I-I don’t know...H-how do I fix this?”

“Not much we can do now.”

 _We_. Not  _you._ Her heart skips a beat at his words. After everything that has happened, it’s good to know that they’re still on the same team. 

Bellamy guides her away from the balcony and back inside, motioning for her to sit on the edge of the bed while he grabs a soft cloth to wipe her face with. 

“What were you going to tell me?” she asks once her cheeks are dry, a steady pounding starting to form behind her eyes. “Before you went back to Arkadia, what were you going to say?”

He takes a seat next to her. The bed dips under his weight, causing Clarke’s body to lean in towards his. Their shoulders touch, and without thinking she tilts her head to rest on the broadness of his. Bellamy’s breath stutters, and for a second she fears she has gone too far, but then he shifts, wrapping his arm around her waist so she can more fully lean on him.

“I was going to tell you everything,” he says eventually. “I was going to thank you, for everything you’ve done for me, for always believing that I could be good. I was going to tell you how much you mean to me, how you make me feel...how I feel about you.”

Clarke doesn’t dare moved, scared that if she looks at his face she’ll lose it all over again. 

“How...how do you feel?” she whispers, her voice cracking a bit. “A-about me?”

“Clarke...” Bellamy pulls back, looking down at her with reverence. He cups the side of her face so gently that she feels a lump rise in her throat again. “You are my  _light_.”

News of war, death, destruction- that she is used to. But hearing Bellamy Blake tell her that she is his  _light_? Clarke has no response.

“I know that your feelings may be...different,” Bellamy says, his face flushing, “and that’s  _fine_ , Clarke. I just...the world is ending in a few days, and I need you to know.”

He drops his gaze, removing his hand from her cheek and starting to shift away from her. Clarke makes a strangled, desperate sound, and pulls his hand back to her face. His gaze snaps back to her, eyes wide.

“You need to know, too,” she whispers. Her words fail her after that, so she turns her head and presses a soft kiss to the palm of his hand, her eyes never leaving this.

Bellamy swallows thickly and she feels his fingers spasm against her cheek. 

“Clarke...”

“Let’s get some rest, yeah?” she suggests, pulling her legs onto the bed and curling up into his side. 

“Okay,” he says finally, laying them down and wrapping both arms around her. Clarke’s breaths tickle the hollow of his throat, and this is so _right_  it hurts. “Okay.”

They lay there together on the bed until the sun rises. If they fall asleep, it doesn’t feel like it, because by the time they have to get up their bones are just as heavy as before. Their souls are lighter, though.

“I have to go see Octavia,” Bellamy says, his voice rough and resigned. Clarke nods. She knows he needs this.

“If it means anything,” she says, “tell her I have faith in her.”

He smiles wryly. “It might.”

Before she can stop herself, Clarke steps forward and raises herself onto the tips of her toes. She presses her lips to his, so faintly that it might not even be considered a kiss at all. But when she steps back, her whole body feels like it’s on fire.

“I’ll see you for the fight,” she says, and if she licks her lips after the words leave them, who can blame her?

Bellamy follows the movement, his eyes dark. “I’ll find you soon.”

He does. Later, he appears next to her in the crowd as if from thin air, taking her hand in his sure grip. They don’t look at each other as the warriors enter the square, faces grim. His grip tightens when Octavia unsheathes her sword, and Clarke smoothes her thumb along the back of his hand.

The road to hell is paved with all kinds of intentions- good, bad, ambivalent. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that they’ll be going there together. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i have a feeling that the end of this season might be the end of us all  
> thoughts? come find me on tumblr!  
> (bilexualclarke)


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